True Bromance: Cookies with Sriracha, Bacon, Coffee, and Peanut Butter!

I had these for dinner yesterday. They were mighty satisfying. Awesome vintage Colonial print plate from Blue Owl Home Boutique.

I work in a male-dominated industry and they are my coworkers, my bosses, and my friends. They help me, teach me, make me laugh, and give me opportunities to do well. Strong, smart women who have a lot to bring to the table consistently get slighted and overlooked by the outdated, patriarchal systems that be, but as for the average dude (not the annoying alpha-male type, barf!!), I feel sad for them, sometimes. Young guys my age often don't know what they're doing, and are just so happy to have someone to talk to.

I don't have the patience to deal with spoiled princesses and drama queens. Ever. We can't be friends, because it would only be a short matter of time before they would need to run for their lives or face a smacking. And yet, guys are drawn to them. They like the way they look, and confuse their bitchiness and attitudes with confidence and strength, when really, a lot of these chicks are just hunting for someone to boss around and make their literal whipping boy.

Sometimes I feel like an army medic when giving advice about women and relationships. What do I have that will stop the bleeding and enable him to walk again?

You know what works? Tough love.

Guys are used to bottling it up and not talking about their feelings. They get so excited to be heard, but sometimes they just need some hard facts. Here is some of (what is in my opinion) the best advice I've ever given to men. If it helps you or anyone you know...great!

If you want to be with women, you have to start acting like a grown-ass man, not a man-boy.

Be smart, kind, mature, and really listen to what people are saying.

Learn when to give people second chances, and when to draw the line and get rid of a sucka fool. Be patient, but don't let people jerk you around.

Get your act together, and start becoming the person you want to be. How long are you going to wait?

Time is valuable, and if you're going to ask someone to spend theirs with you, it better be worth it.

If you want someone to put you first, you better be putting them first, too.

Liking comics and video games is fine, but act like an adult otherwise. It's a huge reason why women will leave men in the dust, and wondering what happened.

Make people feel appreciated. They will remember you for it and good ones will find a way to get you back.

Having a significant other is a privilege, not a right. You better start acting like it. People don't take kindly to being taken for granted.

She expects you to buy her Louis Vuitton purses? Dump her RIGHT NOW.

Did you really think that dating a 19 year-old was going to be fun for more than two days? You date a 19 year-old for any longer than that, and you get 19 year-old-girl problems.

If you ever wear Ed Hardy or Tap Out clothing, we can't be friends anymore. Just...no.

Are you going to marry her? She treats you like garbage. If you invite me to the wedding your videographer is going to get footage of me tackling her and starting a catfight. You can re-watch it every year.


Take it, don't take it, whatever! No skin off my back.

All right, I need to go on a rant for a minute: Society has turned Valentine's Day into a thinly-veiled equal-opportunity-"holiday" that is really just a sales-driven monster. It's comin' ta getcher women!

Have you been outside lately? Have you seen or heard any ads or commercials or billboards or store windows? They're all like

"Buy her chocolate!"

"Buy her a ring!"

"Take her here, take her there!"

"She needs diamonds!"

"Make this HER special day!"

"Buy her flowers!"

"Buy her, buy her, BUY HER!"

February is so annoying and...fickle! I just want to hibernate. Uhrrrrrrrrrr.

Real romance to me is putting on a hot dress and sharing a dry-aged steak with good company, not petulantly tapping my foot and waiting to see what expensive treasures someone has brought home in exchange for affection, because that sounds so fake. Paying for "love" is stupid and manipulative and predatory because people usually don't know they've been tricked into it. If you want to pick up a gift for someone, hoorah, but being coerced into it, by your significant other or cultural peer pressure, sucks.

Real, honest love is about showing someone that you care. How do you do that? Share things with them. Listen to them. Hold their hand when they're stressed or sad. Be their friend. Make them laugh. Make anything for them, really, because they'd be happy it came from your heart.

Rant over!

What about bromance? Valentine's Day isn't just about spoiling someone rotten, it's about appreciating love in all forms, which, over in Kari-Land, covers friendship, too.

So amidst all this "buy things for your woman!" hoopla, I decided to go in the opposite direction: Make something for a man! Especially if you're a man. Make these and share 'em with friends on a regular day. No, really. Guys who like to bake? Swoon. Real manly types ain't afraid of frilly aprons and measuring spoons.

The holy trinity of man-dom.Today's recipe is special; tailor-made for men. I haven't yet met a guy who doesn't like peanut butter cookies, so it also enjoys the company of other things that men stereotypically can't resist: Bacon, coffee, and Sriracha. I didn't figure out how to incorporate whiskey shots in today's list of ingredients.

Wait, Sriracha in a cookie?

Hells yeah. Trust me on this one. Sriracha, bacon, coffee, and peanut butter all go well together. It's like having a Malaysian satay and Southern BBQ block party in your mouth.

Give it to an unsuspecting person, and watch their expression change. It's spicy? It's bitter? It's bacon-y? What is going on in here? I tested them out on coworkers and a few favourite customers, and we all agreed that these were fun and weird but in a good way. That's how most of my friendships are, anyway. I like it.

This recipe seemed like a great idea, especially after I read Bon Appetit's 25 Ways to Use Sriracha article, and none of them were sweet applications. The fact that they didn't even go there meant that I should.

Why not have a cookie for men? There are plenty of dainty lady and sugary kiddie treats, but not enough manly desserts out in the world. Sometimes, dudes just need to sit down at a table with a friend, a plate of cookies, and two tall glasses of milk, and get some talking and listening done.

Clear and fun and real stuff. Not fake-bravado-bullcrap-one-upmanship, but actual conversation, no pretending.

Like the best guys I know, this just works. Reliably.

Bromance Cookies (Adapted from The Joy of Baking's Peanut Butter Cookies)
Yields 30 or so (depending on your scoops)
Prep time: 30 minutes
Bake time: 12 minutes

Spicy, smoky, and a hint of bitterness, with just enough sweetness to be enjoyable. It's like a badass noir femme fatale in the form of a hand-held dessert. I picked up some thick-cut bacon from Big Lou's Butcher Shop in Vancouver. Yum.


6 large strips of bacon
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup of fat (reserved bacon fat and unsalted butter, softened)
2 tbsp + 1 tsp Sriracha sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar (or vanilla sugar, if you have it)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg
1/2 cup natural crunchy peanut butter (no additives, no salt)
1 1/2 tbsp good quality instant coffee granules

1. Preheat your oven to 375°F and roast the bacon on a parchment-lined baking pan until crisp and fully cooked, about 12 minutes. Lower oven to 350°F, drain the rendered fat off the pan and into a measuring cup as the bacon cools. When it isn't hot anymore, add enough softened butter to make 1/2 a cup fat in total. Let it come to room temperature.

2. In the meantime, sift flour, baking soda, and salt together.

3. Chop the bacon into small pieces.

4. When soft to the touch, cream the bacon fat, butter, and Sriracha together on high speed until light and fluffy. Don't breathe in too closely.

5. Add the sugars and vanilla to the butter bowl, continue to whip for another minute.

6. Add egg and mix until fully incorporated.

7. Add peanut butter and mix until well-blended.

8. Sprinkle instant coffee, bacon, and dry ingredients over the dough, mix just until incorporated. No streaks of flour left, but don't over-mix. The cookies will get a tough texture, and the coffee and bacon will be smashed into dust.

9. Use a mini ice-cream scooper or heaping tablespoon to drop cookies onto a lined baking pan. Give each about two inches of space.

10. Use tines of a wet fork to smoosh down the cookie tops.

11. Bake in the center of the oven for 10 to 12 minutes, until they start to brown around the edges. Rotate the pans halfway through baking.

12. Pull them from the oven when ready, let sit for a few minutes, then move them to a cooling rack. They're too fragile to lift immediately.

The Sriracha gives these cookies a warmth that slowly creeps up into a spicy heat, but I wouldn't be surprised if somebody made these and ate them with extra Sriracha on top.

There are people who put tons of it on all their food.

Then again, there are people who compete with their friends to see who can eat more hot insanely hot peppers.

Sometimes it's best not to ask why.

Boys, you can count me out on that one!

Kari